Off button.

Of my list of things to do yesterday, I accomplished all but cleaning the bathroom. I'd say that's pretty good. I even found this cool book store about cinco minutos from mi casa! Mhmm..

Still no word on the job front. I had a work meeting yesterday, and decided that if I do get this new job, I really want to stay with the one I'm at now. They are a great company. It's refreshing to work with people who actually care about what they do.

Brains should come with an off button. I think sometimes I get so bored that my brain just goes on and on and on. It needs to just shush for a minute.

I hate not being in school. It is making me crazy. And, I've still got a good 10 months before going back. I know I'm doing the right thing in not going back right now, and trying to save some money, but it's still driving me innnnnnsaaaaannneeee!!!!!

Blah.Blah.Blah.Blah.Blah. This blog sucks. I'm aware. If someone is reading it, I apologize. I am being a whiner baby. Big time.

Yay for noontime dates with friends though. Kimberly and I are going to a movie. Wahoo!

Make a wish. It's 11:11. <3

ellen.

Today's agenda;

Give Kimberly a ride to school.
Watch Ellen.
Clean the bathroom.
Work meeting.
Buy a new book.

I just finished reading "His Dark Materials." Intense. My brain is still a little mushy from it. It's one of those books that you wake up in the middle of the night thinking about. It is a trilogy, but I didn't want it to end. I've found that I don't like not knowing how things end up. In the far future I mean. The book ended well. Albeit, there were a few loose ends left to the imagination. I know, that's part of what makes a good book. I like the way my imagination continues the lives of the characters, but I don't like not knowing for sure if that's the way it would have been. This trilogy is completely fictional, and I am aware that something that isn't real shouldn't bother me so much. But it does.

I moved. I now live in a house full of 3 stinky boys and 2 big dogs. Just kidding. The boys aren't that stinky. A little messy sometimes though. It's fun. And the rent is cheaper. And I have cable and internet. And I get to see this one boy every day. <3

Yesterday, I had a job interview. It was at a nursing and rehab facility, and I'm reaaaallly hoping that I get it. Yes, I still work with At Home Solutions (the at home care place), and I really like the few clients that I have. The problem is that I am only working 12-14 hour weeks. Even with cheaper rent, it's impossible. I don't want to assume that I have this new job, and jinx myself, but if I do get it I hope that I am able to work something out so that I can at least keep working with AHS one day a week. I think that might be do-able.

That last paragraph had a lot of "I's." I suppose that's alright, since this is a blog about me.

I've decided that I love Ellen. She seems like a pretty real person. Her show is hilarious, and I like that she's all about helping people, and making this world a better place. I usually don't watch many talk shows (besides Maury, cuz you just GOTTA KNOW who those baby daddies are..) but I try and wake up by 9 every morning to catch hers.

I'm 18 minutes into "The View," and 18 minutes late for my bathroom cleaning date.

Till next time.

recent happenings.

It's been another few months, and even more changes than before. Wowza.

That super great job, that I was super duper ecstatic about? Meh. Wasn't the best. I found myself unemployed yet again. This time with no unemployment checks to rely on. And, of course, this joblessness happened within a week of signing a lease for my very own apartment. An apartment which I could absolutely afford bringing in $800 big ones a week. So that was fun. But blogs aren't about the troubles in life, well mine isn't at least.

After a month of being a bum, again, I found another job as a CNA. Im happy to report that I'm about a month into it, and I love it! I'm also starting as a hostess in a nearby italian restaurant, hopefully along with an extra paycheck it'll bring me some friends of my own. :) One doesn't realize how hard it is to make friends when they're not in actual school (I'm taking online classes) and works with people no younger than 60. I mean, I love my work and my patients...but they aren't usually up for a night out on the town.

I've also decided to call it quits on the whole "following the dream" thing. It's just not happening. So, for now, I'm no longer going to school for journalism (sad face), rather I will be enrolling in a tech somewhere for nursing. Just makes more sense. I really do like what I do now, and if I can stay in the same field but get paid tons more... well then I guess that's what I should do. Maybe someday when I'm not living paycheck to paycheck (and barely getting by with that) I'll find my way back to school and do what I really want to do. Yes, I am a little mad and disappointed with myself for not finishing what I started, and most of all for settling, but I don't see any other option. And, I don't know if I would call it settling. Meh. We'll see what happens I suppose.

As for that boy that I've mentioned over and over... Well I'm happy to report that he's still around. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I don't plan on letting go any time soon. <3

I don't think there's much else to report. I miss my friends. And I miss my family. I've realized that it's a lot easier to be an independent person, when the people one depends on are so close. This has been my hardest obstacle. The unemployment and the career change, those I can handle. But I'm finding it hard to be so far from the ones I love. I've got friends here, and they're great, tons of fun to be around. I'm just saying, it's an adjustment. One that I'm not sure I'll ever make.

Who knows. I do love my life though. And while I miss people more than I can describe, I love where I am. Wouldn't change it for the world.

Later homies.

updates.

Well. It has been a minute. I am great at starting something like this, and then forgetting about it until months later. I tell myself that I'm going to really keep at it this time. But I know deep down the longest I'll go at it is maybe a few weeks. Then a few months down the road I'll wander my way back to my little blog and get motivated to start it again, swearing that this time will be the time that I keep up with it. So, we shall see.

Life has changed tremendously since my last blog in March.

There is a boy. I like this boy. Yes. It is the same one that I have mentioned time and time again.

I moved into that house. The one I was super excited about. . . I stopped being super excited. Life in Oshkosh continued to disappoint. Same stuff different day, you know how it goes. ;) The only thing that really kept things interesting was school. And of course I kept myself busy working more hours than a normal 22 year old should. both ended within a week of each other. [Sidebar ---> = sarcasm.] So all of a sudden I found myself with absolutely nothing to do. Good thing Bethel Home wasn't it the right when they fired my hard working ass. I have been living comfortably from their unemployment checks for about a month.

Yes, I am that lazy bum that has no job and lives on unemployment. But, NO MORE! I am happy to report that I have found an amazing job. A job that makes me ecstatic to say the least that BH said farewell. The best part of this job? Its in Minnesota. Another great thing? So is my grandma. Yep, that same gramma who happens to be a very dear friend of mine. No joke. My g'madre is good shit. Yet one more fantastic happening in my life? I found a subleaser. I get to live with grams for free and not have to worry about what Im going to do with my house over yonder in Oshy. Wonderful.

Life is good.
Life is splendid.
Absolutely perfect.



Fin.

stupid internet.

I just wrote an entire blog. After clicking "Publish Post," it was deleted. Bitches.
To sum it up;

-I waste too much time on FB
-I love The Black Keys
-I want to go to Bonaroo. Norah Jones = Heaven.
-I know this boy. Same one as before. He's pretty great.
-Love learning.

Peace out, Homies.

bleh..

school.clean.work. ------> is my day.

bleh.

grammer.

is spelled wrong on purpose, because I apparently fail at it while blogging, and don't realize it until after I "pubish." Whoops. Goes along with the whole "making up words" thing. My blog. Shut up.

Fin.

i love. . .

. . . my friends. My family. My life. Absolutely everything about it. I honestly don't know how I got so lucky in life to have these people around me. I would not change a thing about my life. It is perfect.

Since today's topic is happy things, I guess it's an alright time to throw it out there that I officially have a crush. And, as of now, I'm not even freaked out by it. And, it seems I haven't scared the crush-ee aways..yet. :) Guess we'll see.

I paid my security deposit on my new house today. Though I'm staying in Oshkosh another year, which is not where I wanted to be, I'm pretty excited about it. We get to start painting next week. Hmmm... decisions, decisions.

I spose I should get back to my already late psych paper. Till next time.

Dear Siddartha Guatama...

I'm starting to think that you had the right idea. This whole Buddhism thing really makes sense. It's almost as if everything that I already believe fits into it. There is no "self." We are one with everything, with the entire universe. There does not have to be one God, one Atman or whatever you feel like calling it. People put so much emphasis on believing in one specific thing, or being, or "higher power," (which is the term that I most often use(d)). Giving credit to those beings for all life just seems absurd. If there is a man in front of you who has been shot by a poisonus arrow, will you sit and ponder "Hmm. Maybe this was God's plan, for him to die." Or, " This is the way it was supposed to be.." No. You would get the arrow out and do what you could to save him. If there was one God, who had a plan for everyone then that dude would have been shot for a reason and was probably supposed to die.

Granted I am just starting to learn the very basics of Buddhism, it seems that their goal in life is to live the best way that you can. They talk a lot about living in a way that reduces the most suffering for everyone. Can you imagine what a great place this world would be if everyone thought of that, instead of putting their own desires and wants for material things first. I, sadly, don't think the human race is capeable of such selflessness.

Then again, I question if there is anything at all. All that every religion is, is an idea. Someone thought of something, and eventually it spread. What if everything that everyone believes was just some idea some guy came up with, and called it an epiphany? Or an enlightenment? What if there really is just nothing? Maybe the reason we believe all of these religions, or reasons for living, is because we'r scared to face the truth that when we're gone, there is nothing. Our lives had no secret meaning, and we merely cease to exsit. While this thought, obviously, crosses my mind, I find it hard to convince myself that there really is nothing. Maybe I'm hopefully because of the way I was raised. Or maybe I'm just hopeful that there is a greater cause, because the thought of nothingness is a very scary thought. For now, I'll stick with my gut. It doesn't seem to fail me often, and my gut tells me that the Buddhists might have been onto something. We are one with the universe, and we should strive to achieve eudaimonia through relieving suffering of everything, and everyone around and within us.

So, there's my thoughts for the day.


Also, I've decided to become a partial vegetarian. Switching from a regular diet to a vegetarian diet is comparable to swiching from a suburban to a hybrid car, on the amount of green house gas emmisions. I say partially, because I know it is a hard thing, and a very inconvinient thing for things such as family get togethers and whatnot. So, if it is a situation that I can control, there will be no meat involved. Also, I have a great love for all life, no matter what form it takes. Eating an aminal almost seems slightly barbaric.

That is all. For now.

pants on fire.

I lied. I totally put this link on FB.

FB is going to take over the world soon.

Right along with designer babies.

And chimps.

Scary.

boredom is a virute.

Or so they say. I, however, am not a fan of this being bored thing. I guess if I really tried I could make myself unbored. Yes, this is my blog so words like "unbored" are absolutely alright to use. I actually have plenty of things to do, papers to write, people to stalk on facebook... Yet here I sit, bored. And complaining about being bored. Hm.

Now, I shall tell you (whoever you are... which besides you, Jenn, I believe is an imaginary person... :))

Got up early. I had to come to school early, because I procrastinated writing a paper that I was assigned at least 2 weeks ago. Whoops. Found out once I got here, that my morning class was canceled. Most people would be glad. I, was not. Ethics was the class, Evan is the teacher. In love, is what I am.. with both. :) So then I typed my paper, went to see one of my most favorite people in the entire world. Came back. More school. More school yet. Class got out early. And here I sit. Fin.

Pretty amazing, right?

I thought that having a blog might make me record things more frequently, because obviously I am too lazy to keep an actual journal. Though, it seems I am just as lazy at this.

Hmm.. I guess I could talk about boys. Maybe then more people will read this... I mean there is this one boy. I happen to think he's an alright guy. I'm pretty excited to see what happens. Excited, but a little nervous too. I tend to freak myself out whenever this feeling comes around, which it doesn't seem to do very often anymore.. I guess only time will tell.

Weezer can explain my feelings better than I can;

You came out of nowhere.
Man, you really freak me out.
I'm so afraid of you.
And when I lose my cool,
I don't know what to do.
I know you don't mean no harm,
you're just doing your thing.
But man, you really freak me out.


<3


That is all.

Virgin

I've never blogged before. This is kind of weird. It's like an online journal. Except for the entire world to see. Which I suppose is alright. Sometimes you just have things that need to be talked about, and heard. I mean... I don't really expect any feedback, and I'm not going to put this website any place so that people who actually know me have access to it... but knowing that someone is listening, even if you dont know them, sometimes makes a person feel better. A person like me anyway. So, since this is my very first blog ever I'm going to keep it short and sweet. I like to get to know a person, become comfortable with them, before going for it.